I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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