What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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