I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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