what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
