You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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