I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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