no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
