Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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