dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
