Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
