The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
