Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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