Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i think my cat just said my name.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
