there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
