There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize