I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize