Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
