we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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