uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I deserve this hangover.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
