the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
