I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
