it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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