Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize