i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
