I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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