so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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