R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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