It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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