"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
