Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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