I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
