mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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