It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
