Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
