I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
