someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
