Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
