I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
