yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
