I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
