so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
