So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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