I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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