yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
