I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
