The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize