what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
