That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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