I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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