literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
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