we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
