No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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