Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
