mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
