I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize