Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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