I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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