Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
