This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
