and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
