Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
only if we run a train.
done.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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