i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
