Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
