hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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