So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
