woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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