It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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