It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
